rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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