Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
