Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize