Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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