I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
