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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
