You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
