I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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