Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
