Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
