I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
