Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
