is your mom at the bar?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
