You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this boner is exhausting
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
