If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
