I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
