I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
