i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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