just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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