I got her a Nickelback box set.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
