Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
