My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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