i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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