her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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