i already hear my dad disowning me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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