when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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