i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
