I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
