his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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