any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
