last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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