I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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