if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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