Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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