How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
