im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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