i think my tv is drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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