I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
