This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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