I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
