I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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