...so i touched it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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