This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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