Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Are my feet made of real feet?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
