My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
