well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
