operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
