I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
