I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
