whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
