Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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