she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
BRING THE BAGELS
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