Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
