Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
