what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
