ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
