Define "chronic" masturbator.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
