This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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