i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
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Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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