tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
