I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
