friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
