oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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