really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
