i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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