There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize