I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
