Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
