Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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